


Dream

by ohssens



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: F/F, but not really, seulgi is mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 00:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4685981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohssens/pseuds/ohssens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To Seungwan, Seulgi is a dream.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dream

**Author's Note:**

> tw: dub con (blink and you'll miss it), sexual themes

Lethargic days were what Seulgi lived for. They were the literal embodiment of how she preferred to live: passively accepting everything as they were, whilst only doing the tasks that were necessary (which not to mention felt like torture, because they were obligations and Seulgi didn't like that). Seulgi hated the taste of those words— responsibility, obligations, rules. She had emotionally responded to those words the same way she would with 'burden'. She didn't like the restriction either, felt that it was hypocritical because she wasn't even imposing anything on anyone herself, so why did she have to follow them?

Seulgi was your typical teenager lost between the voids of apathy and rebellion (and even slight hedonism) and everything she's built ever since were now all in accordance to her own convenience. And if her own emotional safety categorized into that, then, the impassable armor that she's successfully encompassed herself in was by far the most convenient, and the biggest obligation would have to be the investment of herself in the people and bonds around her.  
Seulgi had long and firmly decided that in those barriers, she would always be alone, away from potential harm and damage, and therefore be safe. Some people would attempt to enter those barriers but they were always wrong to do so.

But Seungwan saw through it all.

Later, Seungwan would grow to learn about Seulgi's overall demeanor - back ramrod straight, curt nods, measured replies, and an expressionless (or sometimes slightly confused) look on her face that limitedly alternated with a huge, cheeky smile (but it was never one that reached her eyes). However, just like the expressionless look on Seulgi's face, Wendy's reaction towards it remained constant. Plain amusement.

Realistically, when you're involved in a vicious cycle of a ruthless trainee system, where you're inevitably convinced that your worth as an individual is measured by the talent you hold, and you're haunted by the fact that you may be told to leave anytime, then, a colleague's reaction towards you should be the last thing mind.  
However, Seungwan noticed nonetheless. Perhaps it was her generally caring nature that often led her to scrutiny, or the strange habit of having always sought for meaning in the insignificant; Seungwan did not really know why, or how, but she definitely took notice.

Besides, it was all too interesting not to.

.

On their days off, in their respectively shared dormitory room, Seulgi would inform Seungwan out of sheer politeness that she'd be sleeping for hours and hours until dusk. It was mostly believable because the girl would not, did not, step out of her bedroom even once unless it was for a short bathroom break. And even so, she would drag herself in the most languid manner possible. So Seungwan initially believed it and didn't mind, shrugging it off after the momentary doubt induced by the copious number of hours Seulgi was able to stay asleep.

But soon enough, Seungwan noticed the sound of small, hurt cries penetrating the thin walls.

Seulgi, too, bruised and hurt like anyone else, curling up in her sheets to cry, but only within the depths of her bedroom. Seungwan concludes that it was definitely, metaphorically, linked to the impassable armor where Seulgi had foolishly assumed the equality of perpetual solitude to safety.

.

Seungwan also wondered why Seulgi did not have many friendships.

Seulgi herself was generally likeable, yes, but she did not have, more so did not allow, the establishment of social connections deeper than casual conversations about the most mundane things. She hopped from one bond to another before any potential harm could take place; commitment was far from Seulgi's capability and knowledge, and so Seulgi ran on variety— the unhealthy, inconsistent kind.

.

These unhealthy tendencies were such humane things to do, and Seungwan is nearly taken aback at the realization that Seulgi, ultimately, is actually made up of the same bones and veins as she herself is. Seungwan thinks she's romanticized Seulgi too much that she was actually able to think otherwise. Strange.

But still, Seungwan wonders how Seulgi came to this point, and, would Seulgi even let her in?

It was going to be complicated. Seulgi could not even fathom the thought of living alongside another, to open and show herself up in her whole naked vulnerability. But she couldn't help it— through the lens of a trainee of 7 years, everybody was automatically a threat. She'd established it firmly and long ago that none of those friendships were worth the risk of harm, and to only delve into the things that brought her the satisfactions of her liking alone.

A few called it ignorance, and even intense hedonism, but Seulgi was honestly just conflicted between it being selfishness or fear.

(But since Seungwan's eyes lingered on Seulgi more than they should have, she knew. It was definitely fear.)

.

Perhaps the disorderliness of Seulgi 's mind rubbed off on Seungwan as well, because Seungwan found herself confused, too– confused as to why she felt strangely attracted to the broken girl she lived with, noticed said girl more than she should have because Seulgi probably didn't even give three cents about her, maybe not even one, and she also found herself contemplating whether the palpitations were platonic or not.

Seungwan would usually suppress the abhorrence she felt it was, she felt she was. But the moment she found her own hand furiously rubbing in between her thighs trying to figure herself out, Seungwan breaks down. It was as if she were a dam, and her walls were slowly cracking from the proximity of rocks that was Seulgi.  
Least to say, the night ended with the slick on her fingers providing her with an answer.

.

“Seungwan,” Seulgi breaks Seungwan from her trance when she calls for her name, “I’m just going out to buy ramyun, you wanna come?” Seulgi’s hand is reaching for the doorknob when she asks.

Seungwan puts on a coat in hopes it's enough to protect her from the cold, “Yeah, I’m coming.”

Seulgi gives her a curt nod at the reply, smiling and offering her a hand as they prepare to leave.

Seungwan smiles weakly in return. She doesn't know why, but Seulgi holds her hand in hers. Seungwan wanted to throw up from the contact; she was horrible, this was horrible. A sharp, cold wind cuts through the air and she feels Seulgi tightening the tangle of their fingers, leaning closer against her body, and— and Seungwan just hopes the fabric of her coat is thick enough that Seulgi wouldn’t be able to hear the erratic beats in her chest. Seungwan doesn't know if she can still take it; she feels sick to her stomach, nauseous, even, and she just hopes her face hasn't turned pale.

When the unforgiving blow of the wind stops, Seulgi still doesn't let go and she's absently stroking the ball of Seungwan’s hand with her thumb. This is where Seungwan feels the most despicable, harboring a dirty secret she has no intention of fixing. She thinks about the sinful places her fingers have dipped in, hand-in-hand with the same lewd thoughts every time. Seulgi has no absolute idea about the kind of filth she's holding onto.

If Seulgi were previously a clump of stones, greatly contributing to the breakage of the dam that is Seungwan, now Seulgi was a bulldozer, mercilessly demolishing every tiny fragment of sanity Seungwan had within herself.

Seungwan feels like she's losing it; this wasn't normally her. The Seungwan she knew in herself was resolute in her priorities and moral. The initial Seungwan she knew wouldn't ever have done this.

.

But here it was again— one of those wondrous nights where Seungwan was to shove a hand down in between her legs in an attempt to find love, salvation, or whatever it was she was trying to find. She hates herself for it but does absolutely nothing to stop, wrist rotating in quick, tight circles and little moans coming out of her lips every now and then.  
It’s only when the door creaks open and the smell of alcohol enters her nostrils that Seungwan halts her movements. Before she knows it, a familiar figure's stepped inside.

It's Seulgi.

She feels her insides drop from the realization— eyes still opened wide with a finger pressed against her dampness when she tries to comprehend Seulgi's presence in the room. (Of course, it just had to be Seulgi).

"You think I don't know, don't you?" Seungwan can feel her entire body trembling, just hearing the sound of seulgi's slurred speech. It was almost terrifying.

"W-what, Seulgi?"

"I can see the way you look at me," Seulgi bitterly chuckles. "…and in fact, I always hear the choke of my name slipping out your lips during your, hm, sexual escapades," this time, she lets out a hearty laugh.

Who was Seungwan to deny this truth? Eyes following Seulgi's every movement, she sucks in a breath when Seulgi crawls towards her, a small smile that meant nothing good plastered on her face. Seungwan notices the alcoholic hue of red spread on Seulgi's cheeks, and, oh— She just wants to bruise them permanently with the rake of her nails, or the suction of her lips all the same.

But in contrary to her thoughts, Seungwan remains overwhelmed and jolted with paralysis. Seulgi tugs on the waistband of Seungwan’s panties and pulls them off until they're sagging over her knees.

"What's wrong? Go on, sweetheart. Moan my name again."

Seungwan stays still.

Seulgi laughs through her nose, slapping Seungwan hand away. "Fine." She runs two fingers over Seungwan's folds before plunging them inside Seungwan, immediately crooking and thrusting them into Seungwan’s body. Seungwan can feel herself pulsing, and Seulgi concludes that the sound of Seungwan’s whimpers are much better than just hearing and imagining behind walls. Seulgi is determined to break Seungwan on her fingers, because who wouldn’t like the feeling of someone breaking under your hold, anyways?

Seulgi vigorously rubs her thumb against Seungwan’s clit, feels wendy's walls clenching around her fingers, and this is the first time they've done this, but Seulgi can tell she's close. Seungwan must have been going at it for long until Seulgi came to intrude.

Seungwan’s hips gyrate against Seulgi's hand one last time when she lets out a wanton moan, and it takes one last flick on her clit for her to come undone, white noise flashing before her eyes.

But before Seungwan can even think of setting reality aside to bask in her post-orgasm satisfaction, to at least forget that she wasn’t living one hell of a life she’s made up for herself, Seulgi shoves her fingers past Seungwan's lips, forcing her to taste herself.

“Good, aren't you?” Seungwan can feel the pads of Seulgi’s fingers rubbing against the walls of her mouth, and her face scrunches up in disgust, but it was of her own. Even Seulgi can tell from the way Seungwan's tongue was more than willing to wrap and clean her fingers of her own slick, lips suctioning against her knuckles to lick for anything she hasn't swallowed yet.

Seulgi yanks her fingers out, giggling when she leaves Seungwan's tongue dangling and asking for more. "You'll return the favor soon, wouldn’t you?"

 

Seungwan’s equal parts too debauched and broken to be able to reply besides whimpers and sobs. But of course, Seungwan would. Who was she to deny Seulgi of anything? She needed to let Seulgi know. Seungwan at least exerts the fullest of her efforts to nod her head even at her weakest state, and she doesn't even know if Seulgi acknowledges it, acknowledges her. It was pitiful, but the intensity of the orgasm saves her the night from crying herself to sleep.

She doesn't remember afterwards other than fragmented memories of Seulgi grabbing a wad of tissue to wipe her fingers before leaving.

.

Seulgi gripes beneath Seungwan the morning after.

Seungwan is bent on the wet flesh between Seulgi's legs, thighs lankily thrown over both her shoulders. Of course, it was of Seulgi's request for this happening as she had previously prowled and cornered Seungwan in the quarters of her bedroom. But still, Seungwan doesn't know why she was so eager to give herself to Seulgi, how she’s actually allowed this to take place, but she forgets to think when Seulgi digs a finger particularly hard against her scalp.

And with one last swipe of her tongue, Seulgi is gasping, hands reaching out for the sheets underneath her when she rides the turbulent waves of pleasure.

“Seulgi, what is love to you?” Seungwan manages to ask between Seulgi's pants, her chest still heaving.

“Why do you ask?” Seulgi frowns. "It isn't real; it's a deceptive label to veil the fact that everything consists of compromises," she pauses. “...just so happens that a few lucky bastards have theirs paralleled. It’s nothing. You jump from one fuck to another until you've spent all your time and you're dead.”

Seungwan feels a sharp twang pierce through her heart at the reply.

Seulgi clucks her tongue, “Man, fuck that shit, Seungwan.”

She lifts her finger to get a taste.  
.  
Seungwan is startled with a jolt running through her body when she wakes up. She was dreaming all throughout.

Her forehead is drenched with cold sweat, her chest is heaving, and tears are streaming down her face from the dread she's felt in her dreams. Seungwan merely vaguely remembers what she’d just drowned in – it was a familiar kind of apprehension although twice as piercing – the same kind of anxiety she feels in the waking world.

Seungwan finally opens her eyes in the midst of her palpitating chest and her face drenched in tears. Opening her eyes, she finds herself in Seulgi's arms and, shit, Seungwan feels like she's fifteen again. It takes her a few moments to finally register what’s happening, looks into Seulgi's eyes, and she recognizes the unhealthy glint in them— alarm?  
She observes the movement of Seulgi's lips and it's only until then that she realizes that Seulgi is fervently yelling. How long has it even been?

“Seungwan, Seungwan! Seungwan! Answer me! Are you okay!?”

“Son Seungwan! It’s me, Seulgi! Answer me!”

“Seungwan! Stay with me! Wendy!”

Seulgi’s yells come to a halt, but now she’s reduced to a babbling mess, “Seungwan - the doctor said you might have weird dreams because of your sedatives and so I spent the night here at the hospital beside you even if Sooyoung told me to just go home, because she said I looked crazy, but still, I stayed to see you get through this well and alive because I believe in you but I, I,” Seulgi’s voice cracks, “…but still, I couldn’t help but wake you up! and - oh my god - and right now it’s 5AM and you’ve been crying and calling out my name for the past thirty minutes or so and I, I, I...”

Seulgi breaks down into tears. If Seungwan’s previous dreams had depicted herself as a dam and Seulgi the bulldozer, then oh, had her mind been so, foolishly, wrong.

“…I just, I just want you to be okay, you know? – oh god – and now I’m crying and I’m so pathetic and I look so stupid, and I still had to wake you up in the middle of the night even if you probably have no idea what’s happening right now and, dammit - I’m so stupid I’m so stupid I’m so stupid,” Seulgi pauses to breathe, albeit her inhales being hitched. 

“Seungwan, I’m so sorry. I love you, I should have kissed you every time I wanted to and every time you wanted me to and I should have told you I love you every time I wanted to and – oh - remember our duet, ‘Just Friends’? Remember the time when we weren’t together yet and we’d keep hanging out just to sing duets? I really wanted to tell you I loved you that time, so I’m going to say it again: I love you, Seungwan. Do I tell you that enough? I love you, I love you, I love you,”

Seulgi shuts her eyes as tight as they could as she forces herself up Seungwan’s hospital bed, careful not to move Seungwan’s casted leg. Situating herself so as to that her lips were directly on the crook of Seungwan’s shoulder, her jet black hair tickling Seungwan’s clavicles, Seulgi starts to hum, burying her now pink nose further into the crook of Wendy’s neck.

In between muffled attempts to hum, Seulgi manages to whimper a weak, “Don’t leave me, Seungwan. I love you.”

And Seulgi kisses Seungwan, soft and light.

And as Seungwan started to hum, too, and Seulgi felt wet patches of tears on her head, Seulgi knew that Seungwan didn't have to dream, and she was never going to leave anytime soon. 

Seulgi wasn’t going to leave anytime soon.

(Or rather, Seulgi was never going to leave Seungwan). 

**Author's Note:**

> crossposted from aff (ohssens on aff) ;;


End file.
